Keep living and hurry up and wait.

While I wait the biggest challenge seems to be to keep living. This is a battle I am familiar with. This time it feels different but the premise is the same. I feel horrible I probably look horrible but rest is not going to change that so I have to find a way to live while I wait.

New symptoms arise but honestly I wonder how much they are related to the stress hormones in my body right now and the fear.

I am so grateful to my husband and his ability to juggle so much. I am grateful that I have the luxury of being at home and just doing what I can manage. I am grateful to my friends and my community.  I think that's the difference between the stress and anxiety I am feeling now vs.  how I felt when the black dog was around. Both feel heavy and hard but I can feel those feelings of gratitude. It's not a logical understanding that I have things to be grateful for, it is actually feeling it.

I am also angry and frusterated and cranky.  I wanted to loose weight but this not being able to eat thing is not really optimal for keeping a smile on my face. I really like food. I miss it. My stomach however has decided food is mostly not welcome.  I suppose this is a way to break my stress eating habbit.

Music,  listening to it and playing it go a long way to reduce stress hormones. A friend has graciously offered use of her piano and some help.  This is something I have always wanted to learn.  With some luck I can work to reduce stress and learn a skill.

Music is NOT my strong suit. I don't expect to find a hidden talent here but maybe I can learn chop sticks.

I leave you with two links today an article from Web MD on making music and stress management. 

https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/how-making-music-reduces-stress

And 21 Pilots - stressed out.

https://youtu.be/pXRviuL6vMY