This is Spike

I shouldn't be happy about Spike. In truth I am scared but also a bit validated.

Spike has been growing for sometime. From everything I have read given Spikes size he has been growing for about 8 years.  About the time I started complaining about being tired and sick a lot.

I have been diagnosed with a host of things and told often to accept my new reality. Virtigo, TMJ, Depressiom, Fybromyalgia, fatigue, bad additude, the list goes on. All the while Spike was growing stronger. Now Spike is 5 cm in size and could not be ignored any more.

Finally a CT scan was done of my sinuses. The ENT read the report of a small cyst, no actual infection and told me that was not the problem. Maybe I have a migraine.

I advocated for myself. Something I suck at doing but this time I got it right.

I asked him to look at the CT scan. That's when he saw what this radiologist and at least 2 others missed. Spike.

Spike is on the right side of my face. The right side of my face is fuller then it ever was before but because it used to be skinny it took a long time for Spike to be big enough for any one other than me to notice. I believed them that when I looked in the mirror things were distorted by depression. I believed them that I was tired because I was depressed. I believed them that I had a sinus problem. I believed them that I had vertigo.  Over and over again if you hear hoof beats think horse not Zebra.

ITS A FUCKING Zebra.

I guess I really am a unique snowflake.
Had my parodit gland been located in the correct place in my face Spike might have been noticed sooner.

So now I need to find out if Spike is cancer or just a lot of confused parodit gland cells. In this case and location 5 cm tumor is big and if cancer I am fucked. Like why the hell did I never make a bucket list fucked.  If I am not totally fucked and it's not cancer due to my unique facial structure I will need a specialized surgeon and reconstruction in my face. So yeah that sucks.

Radiologist suspects lymphoma or other Tumor according to the report. Let me tell you that is a scary line to read.  I won't lie my first thought was REALLY I just got finished stopping my brain from wanting to kill me now it turns out my body has been sneakily trying to do it. 

I suppose given I was only supposed to live to 3,  I had a good run. But still COME ON!

In all seriousness. I am scared. I have dealt with it this far by convincing myself from time time it's all in my head. I have to keep looking at the scan to make it real and even then I keep trying to convince myself it's an infection. So then I read the radiologist report. Today I actually go back to the ENT. I will of course make a joke about it being a migraine so that I don't cry.

Then he will tell me my next steps. Either way my next year of life is defined by surgery and recovery.

I leave you with Baba Brinkman

https://youtu.be/DFFyb5_PUCg