The second opinion

My experience with the ENT vs my stand in GP was night and day.

The way both doctor's read the report was different. The way both doctor's explained the report was different. EVEN what each doctor noted to be bone or tissue was different.

The ENT claims the report states I have no right Parodit gland and he hypothesis that the mass they are seeing is indeed my Parodit gland. The GP read the exact same line to mean that I DO have a Parodit gland it's just not normal and the mass is a lot of extra Parodit tissue. She pointed to the same places on the MRI as evidence to her theory and noted calcification as further evidence.

 Once again leaving me feeling validated. The ENT left me feeling like he was patting me on the head saying " don't worry your pretty little head"  I am sensitive to that.  I don't think I am scared any more. Both doctor's for different reasons believe it's very unlikely that they will find cancer.  I should probably still consider my bucket list.

For so long I have been battling depression my number one goal has been to be alive. Just live. Be present and be free of the weight of depression that I honestly never thought past that. I only recently started to trust I was there.


I recently started to feel safe to bring people into my life with out fear the black dog would drive them away. I only recently started trying to reconect with those I am sure the black dog drove away.  I have just been enjoying being alive so much that doing laundry and cleaning my house with out that weight is still novel.  I have my Son, my husband, my dog and my home, my friends and the black dog is gone. I am just starting to experience life with out that. I can't imagine what else I could want other than more of that. I worked too hard for too long to have this taken away by my body.  Ok so maybe still a little bit afraid.

I am afraid to be judged for being afraid. I am ashamed that I am sick.

Shame is a powerful emotion and helps feed fear which can often catch me in a loop and stop me from living.


I leave you with a short read on shame

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201802/the-two-factors-which-give-shame-its-great-power